City of Hustle, City of
Peace to me.
Peace to me.
The idea of coming to Singapore was bestowed upon me since my younger years from my family due the reputation the country have the beholding their students and among Chinese Indonesian. The place is adored to be a safe haven and great leap to prepare younger kids who is settled in studying abroad without being too far from their parents uphold.
Although our family do not come from fortune, our incredibly savvy grandma, prepared a stash of funding for our future one perhaps I myself do not know was an occurrence back then. The idea of pertaining Singapore as a way to cultivate our future was persisted by my beautiful mother since secondary school. However, back then my nervous system was pinned on raising a life outside my current family, beyond the battlefield carved by my father and beyond the shadows my brother hold. This builds my hustle behaviour, the desire to proof, that my intelligence is beyond what was shaped for me. Without knowing the monocular goal, I spend the days of my youth being active in every form possible to gain myself a one way ticket out of the family system.
The next thing happend surprised members beyond myself, including myself that somehow the imperfect system of my goals worked. It comes down to the term “She want it, she got it”, as she dreamt of receiving a full fledge scholarship to cave a way out of the Calvinism embedded in myself since the day of my childhood, what used to be dreams, become a reality.
It seemed a betrayal to self, however until today I wished someone could have seen the process and dismantle and the cost of going back despite going through the battlefield of getting that one way ticket. Leaving Hungary with sense of relieve and a baggage of scars, Singapore was never on my life list.
It seemed romanticized now, yet perhaps Kelly that spend her days studying Deutsch, knew Singapore would be her next stop. During the time, the idea of order called out to me, regardless knowing the hustle and chirping birds around. I remember the exact eyes my mother gave me when I decide to not continue my German Visa and decide to choose Singapore. Its a sense of huge relieve and warmth I have not seen through her eyes in a while. During the time I decided to go home from Hungary, perhaps my mind were too centered around my initiations around the experience and the assumption that I missed my mother’s frantic feelings. She must have felt lost, bargaining with God, a way to save me. Perhaps it was the first time in her life, she have seen her beloved daughter in such position of compromise, begging and pleading for another life. She gave me everything she have, everything she can to have a second chance in education and perhaps in life as a whole.
In many ways Singapore was suppose to be a world of chaos, Singapore ends up to become an actual safe haven for me and my systems. It might be the presence of Michael or the structure that was owned by the city and the safety it delivers, Singapore were able to bring out a version of myself I have never witness.